Taking Chances

Hellooo, all!

I know it has been a couple of weeks since my first post, and I apologize for taking so long to get to this... As I mentioned, it has never been easy for me to keep up a regular journal of any kind, I think partially due to the (admittedly self-imposed) restrictions that are often associated with such things.

The most obvious of these so-called “rules” of keeping a diary is that you write in it every, or almost every day. Well I am throwing that idea right out the window, since it isn’t of any use to me, and all that can come from upholding it is disappointment or guilt when I inevitably fail to write every single day. Besides, this is quite a different endeavour from a journal or a diary, because although it is personal, it is also public – and that is what I am hoping will make the difference in my maintaining it!

Anyway, rest assured (since I’m sure you’ve all been waiting anxiously ;0) lol), that I have not at all abandoned this project. Actually, I have been thinking about several topics for discussion since I last wrote, all widely different though in some ways related, and all fairly complex. I have even started writing about one of them, but ultimately decided it may be too early to delve into at this point, so I am leaving it alone for now. We will get there eventually, perhaps even next week, but for now I think it is time I tell you a bit about what I’ve been up to since I officially resolved to put myself out there...

The process has been slower, and a little less impulsive, than you might imagine. Nonetheless, I have definitely made some conscious decisions in the spirit of chasing my dreams. :0)

Which leads me to ask some questions that I believe to be the crucial starting point for anyone embarking on a journey such as this one – most importantly, what are you passionate about? What is it that drives you? What makes you the happiest? What inspires you?

Initially, it may seem like the answers to these questions should be obvious. I mean, shouldn’t you be aware of the things that are most important to you? Aren’t you supposed to know, instinctively somehow, what you want out of life?

Perhaps some people do, and I have to admit I am slightly envious of them... It must be so much easier to follow your dreams when you have a clear picture of what they are! So how do I get there too?

It seems to me that an undertaking like this is rather exciting, and that to be successful, a certain amount of bravery and impulsive action is required. That said, I don’t think this action necessarily needs to be random...

In fact, it is probably better to think things through carefully, even though that seems to go against the very idea of taking risks... (What can I say, I’m an overanalyzer by nature so this cautious attitude is probably to be expected from me!) The logical first step in my mind is to try and answer the questions I have posed, and go from there...

So what is it that I want out of life?

I guess the simplest (and most obvious) answer is that I want to be happy. In every aspect of my life, I want to feel fulfilled. That may be asking a lot, and it sounds selfish to me even as I type it, but I honestly believe that it is what each person on this planet should strive for, because if you aren’t trying to be happy then what is the point of living?

Alright, having established that my goal is to find happiness, I must now ask myself two things: What is it that will make me happy, and how do I get there?

Before I attempt to answer, I must digress a little here... I am aware that saying it is my goal to find happiness presupposes that right now I am unhappy... And I guess, to an extent, that is true...

However, I should mention that I am not at all complaining about my life, as it is right now, or trying to place blame on anyone other than myself for the way I feel. I also want to say that I have a lot to be grateful for – material things like a car and a nice house to live in, but even more importantly those things which cannot be measured, such as my health, family and friends that love and support me, and an education that I am fortunate enough to be able to continue – all of which I try not to take for granted, because I know it is much more than many people have.

I also know that I am only able to hold views like “everyone should strive for happiness” because of the way I have been brought up. Compared to people living in parts of the world where it is a daily struggle just to survive, my goals seem (and perhaps are?) superficial. Just writing this post is an example of the privilege I have, and that most of you reading it have as well.

That is why I would like to clarify that my quest for “happiness” is not meant to reflect negatively on the aspects of my life where I am already so lucky. Rather, I am searching for ways to make the other areas (which are lacking inasmuch as they haven’t really been developed yet...) as good as they can be. My goal is not to earn lots of money, so I can have all the toys. What I am striving for is more important than that, and I hope that if this is not clear that it will become so as this blog continues...

So let’s get back to those key questions, shall we? First of all, what is it that will make me happy, and secondly, how do I get there?

I guess I should begin by identifying the specific areas I am trying to work on, since that will make it easier to figure out how I should go about improving them. The first one that comes to mind, that I would like to talk about in this post, (and that goes directly against my claim that I am not after money, it would appear...) is my professional life. To be more accurate, my complete lack of a professional life!

I got my first job when I was 15 years old, and worked all through high school and my undergraduate degree, both part time and full time. After I graduated from university, I continued working for about a year, saving up money for a backpacking trip to Europe. None of these jobs were ever intended to be any more than that, however... They were just “jobs”, which would not lead to the all important “career”.

Since I began my Masters in May 2008, I have been fortunate enough not to have to work. It has been nearly three years now, and several times over the course of grad school I have searched and applied for jobs, mostly out of guilt over not working. I will not go into detail about this now, but perhaps another time... The point though, is that I have never had a real career and it has been quite awhile since I have even had a job.

I have a lot of academic experience but very little practical experience, and I am worried about how this will impact my future. Not to name any names, but I know that this concern is shared by others in my life as well, who feel either that I should be working already or that immediately after graduation I should begin my career (whatever that may be!). And to be completely honest, that is utterly terrifying to me, for a few reasons...

First of all, I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my professional life (or most other areas of my life, for that matter, but let’s stay on track here!) and that presents a bit of a problem. You would think, being less than five months away from completing my Masters, that the road from here would be clearly marked. And in some ways, I suppose that is the case... I mean, I do at least have the choices somewhat narrowed down.

My degree is in Adult Education and Cultural Studies, so it is pretty unlikely that I will end up as an accountant or a pilot or a trapeze artist or... well you get the idea. ;0) Since I was in high school, I have leaned toward a career in teaching. At first I wanted to be a high school English teacher (hence my BA in English) and from there, the plan changed to teaching at the university level (which led me to a graduate degree, with one of my specializations being Adult Education).

But teaching what, exactly? English Literature and Drama (American, Canadian and British) interest me, and are certainly possibilities, as are film studies. However, the other specialization I am working toward through MAIS is in Cultural Studies. What exactly is Cultural Studies, you might be wondering? I will have to devote an entire post to this subject at a later date, to try and do it justice... In general terms though:

“Cultural Studies is the exploration of the links between the arts and other human activities in complex societies. It includes both high art and popular culture, both ancient texts and new hypertexts. Cultural Studies is interdisciplinary in its methodologies and in its goals of finding integrated views of human cultural activities.” (from the MAIS website) http://mais.athabascau.ca/specialization/details.php?question=7

The last course that I completed was called Cultural Studies – Directed Studies in Literature, which allowed me to focus on a subject area of my own choosing. I developed a research project that examined female characterization in Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation. In my final integrated project, I am using the Star Trek franchise as a resource again, but this time, am broadening my analysis to include not only gender issues but also depictions of racial inequality, as well as examining the future of pedagogy and curriculum development, and globalization (in terms of loss of culture and language). Because my research is interdisciplinary, I will be incorporating literary theory, film criticism, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines into my project to encompass several points of view. That is an example of the kind of work done in the field of Cultural Studies.

Leaving teaching behind for now though, there have always been other paths that have appealed to me, some related and some completely different...

Since I was in about grade 4, I have wanted to write. Actually I think it started earlier, but that is about how far back I can trace the conscious desire to be a writer of some kind, though I did write stories and keep notebooks even before that point. Over the years I have flirted with this idea, sometimes more seriously than others. Most recently (until now), the last time I was serious about writing was during the courses I took on Creative Writing and Personal Development, in my first year of grad school.

Lately, I have been thinking about the possibility of writing professionally more and more, to the point where it occupies most of my waking life, when I am not considering the other (vastly different) alternative...

Going back to the question I asked earlier, about what am I passionate about and what excites me, I would have to say that more and more I am thinking about two things: traveling around the world, and food and cooking.

When I went to Europe and the UK in 2007, I was bit by the travel bug. Hard. So much so, in fact, that when I came home to Kamloops I made plans to quit my job, sell my car, give up my apartment and move to England. This was not something that I took lightly... I had actually started the application process for a visa (because my grandmother was English and my grandfather was Scottish, I qualify for UK Ancestry) and began making other arrangements. In my heart, I was already there. And then, at the last minute, I didn’t go...

This particular story is probably another one best suited for its own post, but I will mention briefly that when I came back from traveling, the long term relationship I was in ended. Shortly after, I became involved with someone else, and it was ultimately because of that relationship that I put my plans to move to England on hold, and decided to stay in Canada. And here we are, nearly four years later! We moved from B.C. to Alberta, and are still together, living in the house we had built a year and a half ago with the dog we got together, and life is pretty good. But I have to admit, I am still full of wanderlust...

I have known this for a long time, but the fact was confirmed for me last month, when I went to Vancouver to visit a friend and we took a short trip down to Seattle to explore. Talking and daydreaming about places I want to travel makes me both nostalgic and excited, and I honestly can’t think of anything else I would rather do.

Combined with my desire to travel is the passion I have for trying new food, experimenting in the kitchen, and learning about wine and beer. Anyone who knows me personally has heard about my addiction to Food Network, and my love of trying new recipes. ♥ This interest has come about only in the past few years, as my mother is fond of telling people (“She never wanted to learn how to cook growing up!”), but in that time has developed into one of the central focuses of my life.

Which brings me, finally, to the other career path I have been seriously considering, despite the fact that I have no actual training for it at all! What if I became a chef, and followed in the footsteps of people I idolize like Michael Smith or Gordon Ramsay? (Minus the yelling though, perhaps...) ;0)

I think what most appeals to me about both of these ideas, writing and cooking, is the fact that I care deeply about them, and perhaps more interestingly, that they encourage creativity. Education is still very important to me too, though...

So where do we go from here? Let’s leave behind the what for just a moment, and look realistically at the how. How do I realize any of these dreams? What obstacles are potentially standing in my way?

I have to acknowledge the fact that having any of these careers – a university professor, writer, or chef – will not be easy. Each can be very difficult to get into, not to mention it is hard to make a living in any of these fields. But I refuse to let that stop me, because – as I said at the outset – if you aren’t striving to be happy then what is the point in living?

The next step, you might think, is choosing which of the three to pursue and then figuring out how to get there... That’s what I thought at first too, but the way I see it, that only limits my options, which is completely the opposite of what I am trying to do here!

Instead of narrowing things down at this point, doesn’t it make more sense to keep as many possibilities open as I can? And so, that is exactly what I am attempting to do...

Since I last posted, I have been doing a lot of research into potential future studies, in a few different areas. Specifically, I’ve been looking at PhD programs in education at several schools. I spent an entire day revising and updating my C.V., so that it will be ready to send out with applications. I will also have to begin drafting letters to arrange for references soon, as well as order copies of my transcripts from AU.

I have written a few places to enquire about qualifications, clarify admission requirements, and ask some other important questions. I’ve received a few e-mails back already and am getting ready to work on my applications soon. Most will require me to write a research proposal, which will take some time to complete of course, in between working on my final project and everything else!

I have been reading about culinary school as well, and am looking into scholarships. In addition to that, I have been considering options that would allow me to write professionally, and doing a lot of research about how to get published, both in academic journals and as a freelance writer.

I am trying to find academic journals that will be a good fit for some of the work I have done already (for instance, my Star Trek paper, among others). The feedback I have received so far suggests that that one in particular will have to be heavily edited before it can be published in a journal, given typical word limits. There may be other possibilities, but I am still checking things out.

I’m also looking into the possibility of publishing a personal article I wrote last November, and have been reading a lot of websites about freelance journalism. The first step there, it seems, is to master the query letter... Which I am going to try and tackle next, I think! There is a lot of good advice online, and I plan to go out and buy a copy of Writer’s Market soon too, since it seems to be an invaluable source of information. I am already on the mailing lists of some helpful writing sites, which I will have to check out when I have time, and there is a lot of good information in my WGA (Writers Guild of Alberta) magazines as well.

And who knows? Maybe there is a way to combine my passions, in a way that might actually work out. I could see myself as a travel writer... Or a food writer... What about a traveling food writer? :0)

The way I see it, no harm can come from pursuing all of these different options, and maybe one of them will lead to something amazing...The best outcome that I could hope for is to have more than one option to choose from, which would be a pretty good problem to have! The point is that you’ll never know if you don’t try, and it is about time I started to make something happen for myself. No one is going to come and offer me a career out of the blue, so it is up to me to start networking.

So, as promised (finally!!), these are all of the efforts I have been making toward progress, since my last post. Perhaps I haven’t exactly been “running” to catch my heart, but I have taken the first few steps, and I don’t intend to let it get too far ahead of me... ;0)