So it has been about a week since my last post, and I must admit, I haven't been as prolific as I had hoped. After all of the excitement from being accepted as the Calgary Creative Writing Examiner on Examiner.com, I was sort of expecting to keep cranking out articles at a fairly rapid pace and continue building up my profile. That hasn't happened, for a few reasons...
We did go out of town for the weekend, right after I posted my first article, which took a bit of time away from my writing. I can't really use that as an excuse though, since I've had the entire week to get going again and am only just now posting.
The main reason I haven't been writing is because I have fallen victim to (read: allowed myself to engage in...) what is perhaps my most persistent obstacle, not just when it comes to writing but life in general - Procrastination, with a capital "P".
Over the years, my working habits have led me to refer to myself, rather affectionately, as the Master Procrastinator. I have always found that I work well under pressure, especially when it comes to academic projects involving a lot of writing. The now infamous camping trip I once took just before an exam comes to mind, during which I wrote the bulk of not one but two essays for that same class - in between tequila shots, mere hours before they were due and I had to write the exam - and ended up with A's on all three. (Which, for the record, seems a lifetime ago and is not a feat I am eager to attempt a repeat performance of anytime soon!) But that is a story for another day...
The point I am making is that for as long as I can remember, I have been plagued by procrastination, but luckily for me, it has always turned out pretty well in the end. Perhaps if that were not the case - if somewhere along the way I had fallen flat on my face because I left everything until the last minute - I would have learned my lesson by now and changed the way I work. That hasn't happened yet, but I don't doubt that the day is coming, and that when it arrives, it will be horrible. Needless to say, I would be much better off fixing this bad habit before it ever gets to that point, which is exactly what I am attempting to do now!
The problem is that this is not the first time (or even the second, third, or tenth time...) that I have come to this conclusion. I am constantly vowing to stop procrastinating, sometimes on a daily basis, and always have the best intentions of sticking to my convictions. For you see, as long as I have been a Master Procrastinator, I have also been a compulsive scheduler and list maker. Ask anyone who knows me well, or has ever worked on an assignment with me, and they will tell you that I am forever making To Do Lists and revising schedules I don't follow, for one reason or another.
So why is it that I am unable to overcome this terribly unproductive habit, even when I resolve to start projects earlier and allow myself enough time to complete them, without working feverishly to meet deadlines just before they arrive?
This is a question that has always been on my mind, but that I have never really attempted to answer. Well I'm offering a potential reason today, because the time to stop procrastinating for good has finally come. I think that behind it all, hiding in the shadowy corners of my mind, is fear. Fear that if I do put in the time before something comes due that I won't do as good a job as I would if I left it until the last minute... Which is crazy, I realize! But think about it from this perspective and maybe it will seem more logical: if I put off project X as long as possible, if I do screw it up, I always have the excuse that I left it too late to fall back on.
In other words, if I leave something until the last minute and I don't do it well, then it isn't really a reflection of my abilities because I could have done better, given more time. Of course it is my fault for not managing my time properly, but somehow that seems more easily forgivable (and easier to fix in the future) than the alternative, that I had plenty of time and still failed to do well.
Why would I automatically assume that I will fail at any particular task, especially those I tend to put off the most which usually involve writing of some kind? Good question...
I guess that stems from my incessant desire to please others, which I fully admit can be annoying at times, paired with my leanings toward perfectionism. There, I said it. I am a perfectionist, and while I know that less than perfect is okay (and sometimes even expected), it still bothers me when I feel I haven't lived up to my potential.
The irony that I am setting myself up for less than perfection every time I procrastinate is not lost on me. And that is why it is time to finally, finally, FINALLY stop putting things off and risk failure - even when it comes to writing, which I am probably the most afraid to mess up.
This isn't exactly the post I had set out to write when I started, but I think I should probably stop here. There is so much more related to this issue though, concerning writing, the future, and my perceptions of what a "real" writer is that I want to discuss, but I will leave all of that for another post (or series of posts). For now, let me leave you with these thoughts...
Even though they say that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that doesn't mean you must do it flawlessly or it is worthless.
And further, in my first post I said:
"I expect that 2011 will be a year full of changes and challenges for me, especially with graduation so rapidly approaching. And while the future is anyone’s guess, I firmly believe that through writing I will be able to more clearly understand where my particular path is leading."
One of the first changes (and also a challenge!) I am attempting is to break into freelance writing. To be successful, I think it's pretty clear that I must also make some changes when it comes to my typical work habits, my tendency to procrastinate, and my attitude about the possibility of failure. Small, gradual changes...
Given that my final project for my Masters degree deals with Star Trek, I guess it is only fitting that my final offering in this post is a quote from the man himself, James T. Kirk (William Shatner) from the 1994 film, Generations. Speaking to Captain Harriman (Alan Ruck), the captain of the new Enterprise-B, Kirk tells him that "Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair," as he gestures to the famous seat at the centre of the bridge.
I do want to sit in that chair. And as I set off in search of my future, like Kirk so wisely observed, "risk is part of the game". That is why I put aside my procrastinating today, and filled out applications for four more freelance writing websites (two of which have already been approved, while the other two will take up to a week to find out) and also became an Associate Student Member of PEN Canada. More about all of these endeavours soon! For now, I'm off "to boldly go"...
We did go out of town for the weekend, right after I posted my first article, which took a bit of time away from my writing. I can't really use that as an excuse though, since I've had the entire week to get going again and am only just now posting.
The main reason I haven't been writing is because I have fallen victim to (read: allowed myself to engage in...) what is perhaps my most persistent obstacle, not just when it comes to writing but life in general - Procrastination, with a capital "P".
Over the years, my working habits have led me to refer to myself, rather affectionately, as the Master Procrastinator. I have always found that I work well under pressure, especially when it comes to academic projects involving a lot of writing. The now infamous camping trip I once took just before an exam comes to mind, during which I wrote the bulk of not one but two essays for that same class - in between tequila shots, mere hours before they were due and I had to write the exam - and ended up with A's on all three. (Which, for the record, seems a lifetime ago and is not a feat I am eager to attempt a repeat performance of anytime soon!) But that is a story for another day...
The point I am making is that for as long as I can remember, I have been plagued by procrastination, but luckily for me, it has always turned out pretty well in the end. Perhaps if that were not the case - if somewhere along the way I had fallen flat on my face because I left everything until the last minute - I would have learned my lesson by now and changed the way I work. That hasn't happened yet, but I don't doubt that the day is coming, and that when it arrives, it will be horrible. Needless to say, I would be much better off fixing this bad habit before it ever gets to that point, which is exactly what I am attempting to do now!
The problem is that this is not the first time (or even the second, third, or tenth time...) that I have come to this conclusion. I am constantly vowing to stop procrastinating, sometimes on a daily basis, and always have the best intentions of sticking to my convictions. For you see, as long as I have been a Master Procrastinator, I have also been a compulsive scheduler and list maker. Ask anyone who knows me well, or has ever worked on an assignment with me, and they will tell you that I am forever making To Do Lists and revising schedules I don't follow, for one reason or another.
So why is it that I am unable to overcome this terribly unproductive habit, even when I resolve to start projects earlier and allow myself enough time to complete them, without working feverishly to meet deadlines just before they arrive?
This is a question that has always been on my mind, but that I have never really attempted to answer. Well I'm offering a potential reason today, because the time to stop procrastinating for good has finally come. I think that behind it all, hiding in the shadowy corners of my mind, is fear. Fear that if I do put in the time before something comes due that I won't do as good a job as I would if I left it until the last minute... Which is crazy, I realize! But think about it from this perspective and maybe it will seem more logical: if I put off project X as long as possible, if I do screw it up, I always have the excuse that I left it too late to fall back on.
In other words, if I leave something until the last minute and I don't do it well, then it isn't really a reflection of my abilities because I could have done better, given more time. Of course it is my fault for not managing my time properly, but somehow that seems more easily forgivable (and easier to fix in the future) than the alternative, that I had plenty of time and still failed to do well.
Why would I automatically assume that I will fail at any particular task, especially those I tend to put off the most which usually involve writing of some kind? Good question...
I guess that stems from my incessant desire to please others, which I fully admit can be annoying at times, paired with my leanings toward perfectionism. There, I said it. I am a perfectionist, and while I know that less than perfect is okay (and sometimes even expected), it still bothers me when I feel I haven't lived up to my potential.
The irony that I am setting myself up for less than perfection every time I procrastinate is not lost on me. And that is why it is time to finally, finally, FINALLY stop putting things off and risk failure - even when it comes to writing, which I am probably the most afraid to mess up.
This isn't exactly the post I had set out to write when I started, but I think I should probably stop here. There is so much more related to this issue though, concerning writing, the future, and my perceptions of what a "real" writer is that I want to discuss, but I will leave all of that for another post (or series of posts). For now, let me leave you with these thoughts...
Even though they say that anything worth doing is worth doing well, that doesn't mean you must do it flawlessly or it is worthless.
And further, in my first post I said:
"I expect that 2011 will be a year full of changes and challenges for me, especially with graduation so rapidly approaching. And while the future is anyone’s guess, I firmly believe that through writing I will be able to more clearly understand where my particular path is leading."
One of the first changes (and also a challenge!) I am attempting is to break into freelance writing. To be successful, I think it's pretty clear that I must also make some changes when it comes to my typical work habits, my tendency to procrastinate, and my attitude about the possibility of failure. Small, gradual changes...
Given that my final project for my Masters degree deals with Star Trek, I guess it is only fitting that my final offering in this post is a quote from the man himself, James T. Kirk (William Shatner) from the 1994 film, Generations. Speaking to Captain Harriman (Alan Ruck), the captain of the new Enterprise-B, Kirk tells him that "Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair," as he gestures to the famous seat at the centre of the bridge.
I do want to sit in that chair. And as I set off in search of my future, like Kirk so wisely observed, "risk is part of the game". That is why I put aside my procrastinating today, and filled out applications for four more freelance writing websites (two of which have already been approved, while the other two will take up to a week to find out) and also became an Associate Student Member of PEN Canada. More about all of these endeavours soon! For now, I'm off "to boldly go"...
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